I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
