i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
she pinky promised me she was 18
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
