just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
