I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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