Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
