she looked like the bat from fern gully.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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