we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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