Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
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I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
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Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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