Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
