He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
