I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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