i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
