I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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