And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
