so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
