Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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