quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
