So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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