dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
