There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
