I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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