so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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