Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
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