we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
