Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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