so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
