Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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