If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
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