He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
