Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
