hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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