I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
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