No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
