This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
