the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Randomize
