the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
