Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
My bed smells like the plague
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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