just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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