tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
