no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
