yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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