So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
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You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
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We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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