smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
