I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Randomize
