there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
