I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
