tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
she looked like the before picture.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
