haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
