I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I think I am morally bankrupt
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize