Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
