just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
