Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
