i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
