and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
