Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
