whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
why do cheetos always look like penises
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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