You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
