I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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