just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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