i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
