Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugly people sure do ruin things
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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