she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
