The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
