so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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