dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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