One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
