Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
