Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
