Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
