Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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