i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
