So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
