i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
