i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
