when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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