Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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