So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
