It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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