you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
