So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
