I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize